Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
