i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
