I'm gonna have a badass scar
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
