I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
zippers are such a cool invention
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
did you just send me my own nude
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
