he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
