I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
