He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize