Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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