Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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