I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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