He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
