Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
