Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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