And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
