Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
