God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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