Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Randomize
