Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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