I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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