idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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