Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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