Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
