is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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