Yo dont text me then not text me
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
