We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
