Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My ass is underappreciated
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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