Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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