I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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