everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
