im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
