there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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