is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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