How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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