i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
