I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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