last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
