Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
