Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Randomize
