Cold hands, warm shart.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
