I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she peed on how many people?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
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