Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
