yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
