do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
