everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
