The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
