I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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