He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
