Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.