dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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