he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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