would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
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She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
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I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone