Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.