This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Randomize
