Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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