how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
