is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
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