im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
