You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
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