i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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