Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize