he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
