it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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