my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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