Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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