You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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