i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
