Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Randomize
