There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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