He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just invented taco cereal.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
