I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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