I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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