Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Everclear isn't food dammit
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
