so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
