I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
