unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
