Having a random hookup so left but love u
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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