Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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