I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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