upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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