Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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