Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
