k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
This is classic penis vs brain.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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