I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We had sex on a dog bed..
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
