Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
