If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I fill condoms, not promises.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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