its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
