he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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