dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
