I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
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he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
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I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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